I'd guess that the median Deadspin commenter is a 34-year-old white male with middle-to-high income but also above-average alcohol consumption. So we're taking about a remaining live expectancy of 47 years, give or take. My best guess is that you'll die in 2060, perhaps just a few days before Sasha Obama wins her…

Obviously, there are SOME sports pundits who are total hacks. But I'd argue that MOST political pundits are completely useless; the outliers are the few who are actually worth reading. Plus the political pundits take themselves very seriously — read the new Mark Leibovich book — whereas I think on some level someone…

How does he not fall over?

Even JJ Redick's kid's legs were more developed than that.

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Redick: "Don't worry, girl. At this stage in development, it doesn't even look human."

You used the word 'sheeple', your argument is invalid.

Keith Olbermann: [reads column]

I don't know.

Pffft. Robert Redford defeats those without breaking a sweat. Or at least he would if the room's temperature wasn't raised to 98.6 degrees first.

ESPN has an easier time with this on television, where it can hide all the dicks on Around The Horn.

Definitely, that's why every person I meet responds to me telling them I work at Deadspin with "Oh, you guys broke the Te'o story!" Because nobody knows or cares who broke a story.