"Oooh! Ooh! Me first! Me first!"

NEW from D.S. Desuman: the good-at-any-speed Impact Absorber! Compatible with nearly any make and model (seen here fitted to a Tesla Model S) and good for absorbing impacts at nearly any speed. No, I'm serious! Go ahead- pick an obstacle and just floor it. No matter what the speed, I guarantee you that you will feel…

I decided to live-tweet it. Because that's what all the cool kids are doing, right? Amidoinitrite? Or am I just being annoying?

I remember the massacre of Mandolin Hill of 2001. 800 mandolin players protested the last-minute Nomination Committee Addendum that excluded mandolin players from eligibility for the Folk Instrument Granny Awards. And while mandolinists were the loudest and most visible of the protesters, they weren't alone. Violas,…

I guarantee you, as soon as the sun goes down all you're going to see is a sea of flashing red lights.

"Don't give me that look, dad. We're going around. I don't care if we have to take a blimp to get across this bridge, but we are turning around and I am not going to sit here and explain myself. I'm a grown man and I should not have to explain myself, especially when it's pretty obvious why we're turning back and…

Hello Nebraska!

Maybe his rear-view mirrors were busted and he had a crick in his neck. There's only so many ways to check behind you.

We don't have those here... :-/

"I've got an empty duffel bag and a $20 bill I found in the parking lot. You find a spot within sprinting distance of the port-o-potties and I'll be back as soon as Jack in the Box fries me up 40 of them 2-for-99-cents tacos. Oh, and before I go: you want any sauce with your tacos?"

You make it sound so easy. :-P

I'm going to go with the 240 wagon and the 740 wagon that just happens to be a 740 Turbo. Because sport-utility.

Matt,

That's perfectly reasonable and I understand that. I'm okay with that. I would just like some sort of mention in these types of hashtagtavism movements that just acknowledges that not every man is guilty of the actions being discussed. That's all. :-)

I guess on some level, I'm just reacting in a somewhat hypocritical…

Blame the victim. It has to be my fault- god forbid anybody else in the world be anything but an absolute saint. Oldest trick in the book. :-P

...

I was raised with the understanding that because I have a penis, it will always be assumed that I am a misogynist.

Do you think Kevin Bacon would like it?

Honestly? It looks legit to me. Obviously the truck is modified, so I don't have any issues with the speed being shown. As for the camera missing the shot for a split second? Meh. Not all of us are Jerry Brockheimer. Sometimes your hands shake a bit, especially when zooming in.

And that, next potential owner, is how a large amount of fecal matter found itself inside the right-side door panelling. I would recommend using caution when rolling up the windows.