Scruffy’s going to die the way he lived

While rehabbing a knee surgery, I was given elastic resistance band to strengthen my leg. While tightening the knot my hand slipped off and I punched myself directly in the mouth, chipping three teeth (apparently I hit hard).

I went to a wedding at Bob’s house a few years ago. He has an arcade and a lap pool right off one of the kitchens. Place is nice.

Looks like Gabe Kapler is about to optimize all over that fuzzy green ass. Run, pudgy weirdo. Run for your life.

How are Gandalf Hernandez and Rev. Hobbit Forrest in the same region? Must be a good year for the Shire Valley Conference.

Somebody needs to skate to “Yakkity Sax.”

Arsenal: From Gunners to Goobers in 3 easy steps.

Ronaldo looks good these days.

I live in New London. The police department here is a joke.

Put the cheese on the bottom side of the bun, patty on top, then veggies/condiments. Burger melts cheese, still get the crispy/freshness of the lettuce, tomatoes, onions, etc.

It would be easier to hide as a First Base Coach. All you really do is collect batting armor and tell runners to look at the 3rd base coach.

Are you Mats Zuccarello?

Rob a pawn shop. Mostly cash business, so you know they have plenty on hand. Also, you should end up with some decent stuff out of the whole ordeal. Alternatively, rob a 7-11. Small ticket items bought with cash, so lots of untraceable bills, plus scratcher tickets, which could account for extra bonus money. And…

Who sucks more: Ballhawk Asshole, or Marlins Man?

Then the next inning, he hit a 402 laser the opposite way. I don’t know what baseballs did to him when he was a child, but he’s punishing them now.

Most satisfying removal: After an ACL surgery, I had a morphine drip going into my hip for about 4 days until the bag ran out of happy juice. I wasn’t given any instructions on how to remove the wire going into me, other than “Just take it out.” The feeling of that thing slowly exiting my hip via my own hands was…

“Those Libtard inside kids can’t like sports, too. Sports is for real men. Men who enjoy watching men find the apex of their bodies. Men who like watching other men sweat, and grab onto each other.”

*clicks on headline*

I see what you did there. Well played.

They’re all good dogs.