Text him right now and be like "I want to go on a date. With you. Is that weird?"

New Idea! How about Jezebel fund me to go to Poland, dress up in a ski mask, and squeeze this guy's nuts as hard as I can? You know, for testicular health and whatever.

"Gnomes are reliable as shit—they literally just stand still in one spot, "

Normally I enjoy your articles, Erin Gloria Ryan, but this one was incredibly insulting. How intolerant to refer to all of Russia as a "vodka soaked clusterfuck of dash cams we call a diplomatic frenemy." Ah yes, let's take out that familiar, comfy, ever-hilarious stereotype of Russians as drunkards and boozehounds,…

"chubbotron 10 and obesity monster 12" - I'm dying!

For some reason, I just imagine turning into a leprechaun and jumping up and down on it like a diving board.

*wainbow

I ask again: What have you done today?

For better or worse, when I look at that GIF I hear "Come back! We just want to be friends!"

I suppose the question this manufacturer is asking is, how much do you love them?

How I currently feel while browsing all the comments tbh.

This is not attractive. This looks like a diaper with a load in it.

However, if your dick is neatly tucked in between two adorable kittens, then yes. Because kittens make everything ok.

What about these kinds of dick pics?

I think she says her grandparents are/were Holocaust survivors. Presumably, that trauma is directly related to her family's specific dynamics.

Meet Christ Almighty*. This thing sits on a chair by my bed, forever plugged into the wall, and I have habitually forgotten to put it away before company so many times that by now I don't even bother. All my friends have seen it. The guys always tell me that they'll never sit in that chair again, to which I just roll…