This is why I shop thrift: no snitchy tell-tale labels on the 5.99/9.99 purchases with 30% discounts. But I do have a huge amount of easy-on pencil skirts, v-neck blouses, and thigh high hose... aw shit, I'm cheating on myself! :(

In addition, telltale signs of infidelity include a rapid switch from donning sweatpants to "maxi dresses, colored skinny jeans, and pencil skirts with slits."

"TELLTALE SIGNS THAT A WOMAN IS MISBEHAVING VIA HER PURCHASES"

I want to marry the Oxford comma. And Milky Way bars. It'll be a polygamous marriage.

I think you were mistyping "Heisenberg."

what if they never release it? then you will have no choice but to name your baby Kaidence

FWIW, I think a lot (if not most) heterosexual women would be totally OK with "smoking hot and totally willing" sans an emotional connection. Not for an LTR, obviously, but would you believe that sometimes a lady just wants to get laid? It's TRUE!

Yes, There Were Cameras Near Kim Kardashian's Crowning Vagina

I'm afraid to go to sleep now.