"Crabs do not melt at that temperature." — Pete Carroll

Shouldn't this have been filed to Adequate Quarterback?

And yet, there are many 20-year-old star quarterbacks at major college football programs who seem to be just mature enough not to shoplift, yell "fuck her right in the pussy" in the student union or allegedly rape somebody. What are the odds?

Plenty of time for him to resurrect his career.

Roses are red

I loved your Master's thesis you wrote at Penn St., "Mussolini: He Made the Trains Run on Time."

Normally it's Scott Walker who frustrates Racine. If it's the kids she's worried about, just hire an Eau Claire and things should be Superior from here on out.

Is it ok to like Gronk? At least he has some personality and seems to enjoy what he's doing. And as far as we know, he hasn't raped/beaten/killed anyone, so that's probably good from an NFL PR standpoint.

"A beer called 'Beast Mode'? No thanks, I'll pass."

So why stop at 50? Do 40 in that 70 and save another 10 MPG! No, do 30! 20! In fact, if you go zero MPH, you won't use any gas at all!

50 in a 70 is deserving of an impeding ticket.

Just like Deadspin to tear down a guy like Jones. You guys are always looking for the fault in our stars.

Well that's certainly one way to get Tressell back in a bowl.

In 1969, Charlie Scott lost the ACC player of the year award to John Roche (white) of South Carolina. Further, five writers left Scott off their all-ACC ballots entirely. Smith went after them directly, saying the choice was borne of bigotry (or ignorance, but we know what was really the case.)

My dearest friends' daughter was one of the 26 murdered that day. I've spent many days in their home since Avielle was killed, and I've seen firsthand the crushing grief, the uncomprehending agony, and the incredible resilience her parents have displayed. To see her memory blasphemed, and her parents slandered as…

"Just copulated with the lightly hirsute Edelman. Earlier at the bacchanalia, he displayed his abdominal brawn to the hoi polloi. Quelle horreur! (of course I mean that ironically) "

The accusations of the GamerGate trolls, even if actually true, are almost laughably pedestrian "offenses" that do not even remotely warrant the amount of outrage that results. "Ooooh, nepotism and award-fixing at a small indie games festival! Some developer's game got a better score because she was fucking the guy…

WHAT IF... a few months from now... Bruce is called Diana and Royal Baby #2 is named Belinda? The tabloids are going to be SO embarrassed.

Underrated: Malcolm Butler realizing he needed to tackle Kearse on that play.

I'm going to assume you were murdered by Jenny McCarthy halfway through typing your reply. It was nice of her to submit it for you, though.