You haven’t lived until you’ve seen Eli do the boot scoot boogie at halftime to rally the troops.

Thankfully Jimmy only yelled at his fellow teammates, instead of being like his friend Mark and Committing Numerous Racist Hate Crimes including Beating A Vietnamese Man Leaving Him Permanently Blind In One Eye.

/I am doing this right?

“Fox News’s ratings have been falling steadily since Trump became president.”

Fuck Mark Walhberg.

If Mark couldn’t stop Butler’s meltdown, how can we believe he would have stopped 9/11?

“It was a speedster,” Trump explained. But, he added, “One thing we had that was to our advantage: this thing was in and out.”

“Before a grown man sleeps with his soon-to-be ex-wife, he should always go buy a Jimmy.” — Tom Brady

Hopefully she’s able to get away while his foot is stuck.

I’m sorry, I usually stay out of this, but this is a miserable take.

yea, why can’t he work a meaningless desk job for thirty years and die of a heart attack like the rest of us!

Pinnacle of human achievement? Meh, you’ve never seen me repeat back exactly what my wife just told me even though I am clearly not listening.

I just wish he’d make up his mind on which incorrect form of “you’re” he’s going to use and stick with it.

That tends to happen when you die.

There’s only one way to settle this...

Sessions. Just so I can blow marijuana smoke in his face and tell him I’m fucking his daughter.

The truest expressions of buttness tend to happen when one meaty cheek meets another, combining to form one giant Voltron ass with a stink that envelopes the whole game.

Angel Hernandez is an insult to people with real discrimination complaints. He just sucks.

If Hernandez is just flipping a coin then he’s probably doing a better job than usual.

He’s getting roasted on Twitter, but I think he’ll be fine. By the looks of the stock photograph, he’s been taking it on the chin most of his life.