Noble of you to admit it.

Update your resume and get a better job instead of that dead-end at Prudential Life.

Best publish it wider now, so people who get it can know to request it be changed immediately.

Case in point: he’s actually describing median intelligence.

Damn. I gotta save this one.

So the problem is the springs.

If you’re listed, you can sleep in or even take some time off work. They’ll be more forgiving of you rolling in even days or weeks late if they thought you were dead the whole time. Just be sure to use some of that time to come up with a good story and some evidence to back it up.

I guess the most effective ways to ensure you outlive most of your enemies would be to either...

Now? That’s how T-Rump got half or more of his votes!

I bring a message from the future!

The 1st-off-the-line auction, early buyers, regular new buyers, used market: all suckers. I’m just going to wait for it to come on Netflix or Amazon Prime.

Well it’s not like he pisses frickin’ laser beams.

Incompetence and insanity are also grounds for impeachment, from what I understand.

They tried to produce an American version, but production was scrapped after a costly accident prevented their slime supply from arriving.

It seems like their legal strategy is to get a mistrial declared on account of incompetent counsel.

This is Giuliani we’re talking about here, though. Better double-check the video.

“A built-in LED light indicates when your water has reached its boiling point”

“A built-in LED light indicates when your water has reached its boiling point”

The other possibility is that BuzzFeed rushed out the gate without all its ducks in a row. Based on Mueller’s statement, it doesn’t sound like the meat of BuzzFeed’s reporting is off but the wording might be questionable. Maybe the president didn’t blatantly ask Cohen to lie to Congress, but maybe it was strongly…