My eight-year-old looked me dead in the eye and told me, with all seriousness, that I needed to calm down

Yeah, but I cannot get anyone to do it like that. It is hard enough to get them to wind the cord up at all, instead of leaving it in a tangled pile.

It always sounded like something written by Dr. Bornstein.

You forgot to add the yuuge fight between Trump children and ex-wives for a chunk of his money. They’ll be cutting his thumbs off, to use his fingerprints.

Indeed. When Antonin Scalia died, my first thought was: “I would have been OK if he had just retired . . .”

I’ve been reading from this Reddit thread:

‘. . . a solitary life, fending entirely for himself . . .’

NO! Nooooo!
I want to pamper and spoil that lil’ kitty!

Take this advice from Curves!

They get bigger than that.

Elmer’s glue is water soluble, although I’d have to soak it for a long time for that to be of any significance. So it’s a good call for almost all applications of this kind.

I nearly killed myself by trying to manually suck the air out of a plastic bag with the Superglue tube inside it. There were enough vapors to set me in an unpleasant coughing fit. A machine probably won’t mind, though!

This is the standard method, and it works quite well . . . for other people.

You have the right attitude!

Bonus Lifehack:

Sometimes, I just squirt a bit of ketchup on the door (inside of the door) as an indicator of dirtiness.

Wow.

I had no idea that Snoopy was an *official* NASA mascot!
I know that the headgear that astronauts wear (a close-fitting hood with the headphones and microphone integrated) was called a “Snoopy hat”, because the white and black panels resembled Snoopy’s head and ears.

. . . and how to properly cook a steak.

If only there were some way to quickly shock their system to disrupt their brain ganglia all at once. Perhaps by a sudden thermal shock.

I’d imagine that their initial endowment came from the Estate of Mr. James R. Lobster. There’s probably also the Lobster Chair of Science.

I know! That’s gotta leave a mark!