I’ve been thinking that theater floors should be surfaced in concrete, so the whole floor can be flushed with water like a toilet. All the soda residue and trash can fall into a big trough at the bottom of the theater to be shoveled out later.

We have to leave a good impression of our people.

Do you expect employees NOT to clean up where they work?

“If you knew me, you’d know that I’m actually a really good customer distributor of monogrammed coffee thermoses.”

Yeah. The broth is really given short shrift here. It makes a big difference.

Bradshaw-Crowther has a daughter, presumably by C-section, if her condition has been with her all her life (I don’t know how it works, but it sounds like that would be the case), then she will have already had a child by C-section, and fully appreciates the risk of going into labor. I do not think she would have been…

From what I’ve read about Australia, ‘not being kind’ means that there are volcanoes, man-eating plants and dinosaurs trying to kill you.

Make sure they invert them at the factory.

Are you someday going to do a special on poop stories? It sounds like you have a lot of them.

Get checked for parasites. Now.

The trouble is . . . they’re everywhere!

Yeah. Kind of like the Secret Service guys who . . . uh . . . stiffed a prostitute in Colombia.

I’ve been under several different burner accounts because I keep losing the Kinja keys.

. . . then fill out a trouble ticket for it.

Well, there are times when I use chopsticks to eat a donut. Mostly when I expect to use the keyboard.

Or they punish collaborators.

That option rests on the thinnest tissue of social change. It can be taken away in a very short time, and there are many in national leadership who would love to turn back the clock, given the power to do so. The gains by the feminist movement are fragile.

It was 1975 when the Supreme Court ruled that women could not be excluded from jury pools by requiring them to actively register for eligibility, while men were automatically included as potential jurers. That is, states ensured that few women would be available to serve on juries.

Ach! You’re right. I’m just old.

I hate myself and am ashamed for laughing about this.