It’s two friends talking shit to each other. I’m not sure why that’s so hard for people to wrap their heads around.

“He should go and I think he will. Look how Los Angeles revitalized my career.”

You’re thinking of his global warming denialist, coal-humping predecessor Tony Abbott.

The blimp now plans to tour the country doing its impression of Tiger Woods’s career.

Audiences and critics are so stupid. Don’t they know there’s nothing more fascinating than a white man in his 50's running around, pretending to be Indiana Jones? 

It is amazing that Jeep hasn’t addressed the poor race track handling of the Wrangler.

Schwarber alternates: FIGURED ME OUT / COOL BATBREEZE / MILLENIAL ROB DEER / ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST

I want all the players on one team to use each other’s names on their jersey just to confuse players and announcers.

Kyle Schwarber ordered BEEFY LEADOFF a few weeks ago and it’s already been invalidated.

This is a clown comment, bro.

God damn right.

Benetti and Stone are the best goddamn broadcast team in baseball, and I say this as a strong advocate of the Len and JD Show.

Restricting myself to Ryan Pace’s first round picks.

I’m typing this wearing my Curtis Enis tshirt jersey, of course the Bears don’t draft well!

This is only inexcusable if you are his orthopedic surgeon.

Completely healthy, but not allowed to practice and day-to-day. Do not ask follow up questions.

Completely accurate. And if the lights are on, I can go full-Salvador Dali and count the wrinkles.

This is 100% true.

Seconded. Straight male here, in standard doggy-style position, I am basically staring at your butthole the whole time. And enjoying it.

Was this ever a question? Really?