In the years since, he has been a reliable producer of out-of-touch, tissue-thin pronouncements on the perils of our secularized, technologized 21st century lives, virtually all of which rightly can be interpreted as passive-aggressive nostalgia for what Family Circus comics told him “outdoors” might have been like…

I was going to make a pun, but then thought “nah; Gwen there, done that.”

Regarding Harry Potter, it also bothers me how no wizard received any education other than magic, I mean, yeah you probably have a spell to file your magic taxes, but basic math should come in handy. Also kids with powers equivalent to having a firearm at their disposal but with a 3rd grade understanding of world…

“HOW WAS THIS EVER PUBLISHED?”

But Frog and Toad are FRIENDS!!!

The GOP just needs a woman to yell at Hillary Clinton for optics.

What the fuck is her sales pitch for why she should be President? She’s only known for one thing, and that thing is managing to climb the corporate ladder right up to the level where she failed miserably in a way that negatively impacted the lives of hundreds of thousands of people.*

Can we please stop treating Josh Whedon like some kind of gift to feminism hand picked by God in heaven. I like Buffy, and i like Firefly. I loved the first Avengers and the second. But i am not going to pretend that Whedon has a flawless record.

Huckabee is against gay boy scouts but is cool with boy scouts who torture and kill animals. If I had a kid, I would rather he see the counselors sneaking off to have gay sex, instead of seeing them murdering animals.

Isn’t animal murder a sign of being a psychopath....?

“I’d rather people just judged me on my personality and my character than by the fact that I get off on torturing animals to death,” he said.

Re: the fake allergies

That white zinfandel story reminds me of something that happened at the first bar I ever worked.

These two dude bros straight up swagger up to the bar (which was fairly busy). Popped collar hamptonites with less money than they want you to assume they have. The one guy leans in over the bar and shouts “Lemme get a ZIN…

A yuppie and his date came into the bar. It was obviously early in the relationship and he was obviously showing her how urbane he was.

The international breakfast is a half-waffle

TWO of my coworkers seriously think it is pronounced CHIP-OLE-TAY. I shudder.

If I saw that happen, I would freak the fuck out. I’d be demanding where she kept her EpiPen, make sure she was breathing, and making as much of a fuss about the incident as humanly possible short of calling 911. I don’t know if people can be embarassed into being less stupid, but I’d sure as hell try.

I worked for a notoriously high-calorie, large-portion casual dining chain that specialized in having an obscene selection of cheesecakes on their dessert menu.