A lie, according to a cop who murdered an unarmed teenager.

ESPN: Sorry we didn't get a chance to meet with you the other day.

Now you'll have to look elsewhere for your "Who's Michael Sam showering with these days?" coverage.

I guess with a hairline like that you take all the caps you can get.

This guy also has dual citizenship with Jortlandia

hi I'm a woman and an NFL fan. I don't give a shit that Sam's gay, and I'm not a Rams fan, but I sure as hell DO care that the NFL has arbitarily decided that smoking weed is a more grievous offense than knocking your fiance unconscious on video. And the fact that his (measly 2-game) suspension will be over just in…

Durant: So, Biebs, you want bloodies or mimosas?

"Homogenous" is dogwhistle for all-white. Whenever this topic comes up, whites covertly blame America's education lag on minorities.

I am a biologist and what is this.

Emmitt Smith: "That's like over a million right?"

Mothers of the San Gabriel valley are freaking out right now that their sons will not want to be doctors.

This isn't really a fault of the supreme court justices. If it's not legal, it's not legal. The power to fix the issue is with Congress.

Onazi: OHNOOHNOOHNO

No, I think he's referring to Steve Hawaii, known racist.

The worst thing he did here was make me feel sympathy for the Italian soccer team. That's just cruel.

I will live under a poncho in the woods in the Alaskan winter before I move back in with my parents.

One of the biggest pushes is of this is wanting autonomy. Are you comfortable exploring your sexuality with your parent's room down the hall? Can you keep your own schedule without inconveniencing the bathroom rationing? What if you don't FEEL like doing the dishes that evening?

[loads clip]

Apparently, the US Senate did in fact declare today as Everybody Shit on Goodell Day:

IKR??? That Cool Ranch. *drool*