"...aaaaand the hoooome of theee braaaaaaave backslaaaaash drops miiiic"

thank u 4 ur service and god bless

This was the Marlins' strange eternal life cycle. Develop young talent, win World Series on the backs of said young talent, immediately trade away young talent.

Predictably, the Paterno family has harshly criticized the Freeh Group's handling of this debacle. In a statement released today, Jay Paterno proclaimed that Freeh's apparent willingness to step forward immediately and openly acknowledge his errors was "truly unconscionable."

Ha!

"All that work on a fantasy sex grotto, and you only get to enjoy it for four years."

Don't worry, Isaac! They won't be late. If the Segway thing doesn't work out, they have a rock solid backup plan for getting to Barcelona: catching a ride from Cal Ripken's mom.

Fortunately, the attempted assault was halted when Violet warned the attacker that moving to third base would be a really, really bad idea.

As typical British protesters, these five gentlemen have bravely insisted that, no matter what, they will take this lying down.

+1

"Your honor, I move to acknowledge that I am a big important lawyer man. Look at my briefcase! Overruled! Habeas corpus sustained! Objection!"

Jesus!

When reached for comment, Papachristou was surprisingly upbeat, noting, "Well, they can't take away Bydgu...Bydgoz...Bydgoszz...Bidgoszc...Bydgosczc....well, they can't take away 2008."

+1

"Welcome to tonight's episode of Access Consciousness! Join host Billy Bush as we take a scintillating - and titillating - look into the mind of reality star Kim Kardashian!"

Another resounding vote for Miller High Life, ONLY in bottles, and ONLY during the summer. Could not possibly agree more.

Tom, there's a bit more to this story: if you dig through his archives, you'll find out that John Nolte largely self-plagiarized this from a previous review he wrote:

You are eleven?

Ha. Oh, man, I had that one memorized from beginning to end. Haven't thought about that album in probably 10 years.

Green Day's Dookie. Not the first one I owned, but the first one I memorized.