I know just the present for Wes!

“Is she ever alone?” NEVER. They follow you everywhere.

Maybe if you spell it with a k? She’s super klassy.

“You tasty Marshmallow Man...”

“If you think Chris Christie is qualified to sit on the Supreme Court, he’s got a bridge to sell you.... it already comes loaded with traffic”

See? Easy. Would have been a far better option.

I mean, yeah, I could homeschool. But then I’d have to spend a bunch of time with my kids.

Well color me impressed you could do it then! I never could have done that. Fit enough, once upon a time, but I’ve always had negative rhythm (that is, when you’re so incredibly white, it goes beyond having no rhythm and into actively fighting the rhythm).

TSA would never allow it, considering the number of movies that bomb at the box office anymore.

I’ll see myself out.

I constantly wash my hands when handling raw chicken (and just in general) but I’m still paranoid that some raw chicken juice somehow got on the handle so it gets washed.

*jerk off motion*

i saw it! i loved it! AND THEY WEAR REGULAR FLAT COMFORTABLE SHOES WHILE GHOSTBUSTING!!

I know a lot of women in my age group (30-40) who are planning to see it, we’re just fucking busy. Maybe the demographic of this movie is not like the fanboys who see stuff on opening weekend, rather the movie will see steady business throughout the summer.

I went to training this week to explain the math common core standards. It was full of teachers and I was one of only three people of color there. The other two women were in my carpool. There is something wrong with that. Students need to see people like them as teachers.

Checking in with a yawning fuzzball who likes to sit on people.

On Monday I will be 53. I have an appointment for a goal-setting fitness regime with an incredibly hot and ripped instructor. I make that lady in the photo look like an Olympic diving champion. I’m going anyway. I fucking don’t care anymore. I want to get healthy. Please keep living your life like a diving champion.…

I’m actually surprised by how much snark she is getting for this. I thought it was super cute. She reminded me of my mom, who happens to be a) a terrible/adorable teller of jokes and b) a total badass you would do well not to cross.