Poor Seal. But you know...one day you're in, and the next you are OOOWWWUUHHHTTT.

"halfway endorses gigantic prick"

LIGHTNING LASS!

BUT.WE'RE.JUST.SO.CONCERNED. I agree, this seems like a six-degrees-of-Kevin's-Bacon way of judging someone without feeling remorse.

She's also sixty-fucking-four-years old, so if she's only had diabetes for the last few years eating her recipes—good for her. I’d rather die from eating her delicious food than be lying in a nursing home bed at ninety seven, mouth agape, while hipster nurse aides riffle through my jewelry to support their meth…

"If you know how to be cool in middle school, maybe you have skills you shouldn't."

DID YOU JUST CALL ME A BITCH?

"A lot of it is backyard bullying.."

Love.You.So.Much.

*YOU* trick yourself into hating food, calling yourself virtuous and shit. I'll be sucking on these Ghirardelli squares like they're Ryan Gosling's dick, thank you.

The better to blow bubbles with my dear.

That's fine, just so long as smoking loofahs is still on the table.

We love you Margaret and look forward to seeing where the future takes you!

They're not always adorable...

Once freed by his new friend, Horace the Alligator fulfilled his lifelong dream of creating a Britney Spears/Lady Gaga mashup.

I was really hoping for a screenshot of Leah's sister walking out of the bathroom wearing that green t-shirt that said "It's Great Being Glamorous!" as she balanced a twin on each hip.

But everyone else is telling me how lovely credit unions are! Don't they give out free lentils?

They will now be force to change their name to Bank of America, Fuck YEAH!

So he vacillates between a crazy person surrounding himself with dudes and a savior of children? I guess we finally know what the J.C. stands for.

A female customer immediately tried to pay for the same goods with a $770,000 bill. Walmart, keeping in line with its current gender policies, is detaining her indefinitely in the sporting good section.