“How much cole slaw do you want? A kilometer? A hectare? Hurry up, my break starts in two liters.” - Dave Barry

I would literally be saying “NO” loudly to her every single time she tried to correct someone.

I’m just waiting for the day when you get a story from someone who had a customer bring in a Foreman Grill and ask for raw meat because “the chef doesn’t cook it well-done enough so I’ll just do it MYSELF”.

That person exists. They are out there, somewhere. And they are terrible.

Sir. SIR. It is an African-American mark. Sir.

Ever see somebody drown in their soup? It’s not pretty. That’s why I always wear a life preserver when eating soup.

I began ignoring the straw policy after that, and the manager dutifully ignored my ignoring of said policy.

I. I just. Why? Why would anyone do this? Let alone repeatedly? Also, time for the incredibly stupid but I can't resist asking it question, was it always chicken stew, and if so, who the fuck likes chicken stew that much?!

I’m betting that he’d already coked up the $20 before he’d even arrived.

That story about eating the $20...I mean, there are people who won’t handle ANY cash without gloves, because of how filthy it is. Plus, something like 114% of US currency has trace amounts of cocaine on it...then again, maybe that’s why he ate it.

For what it is worth, this guy is a lawyer.

The librarian said it was a normal sized home use crock pot, so yeah, a gallon or so of volume. She didn’t assemble it on site, apparently she did it some place else and then carried the whole thing into the library.

I was hoping for a substantial, thoughtful analysis on these particular customers, but I’m afraid of deep things.

Please leave all of your bad “deep things" jokes here:

I have had terrible people on my news feed soooooo offended because children are a BLESSING FROM GOD and HOW DARE THESE WHORES SUE ONLY ABSTINENCE WORKS. *ragestroke*

Have you been in touch with a lawyer? If it had its shipping label, that’s a pretty hard case for UPS to win...

I loooove this show. I am also deeply desiring Santino Fontana (he voiced Hans in Frozen). He is hilarious and charming and sexy.

This is a good point... but that means I COULD MAKE ONE MYSELF.

Jane Marie! Shut your face - this Bow Pillow is AMAZING.

Yeah, that could be their best advertising angle - we show you the gross shit - because for some reason seeing the stuff that comes out of your skin is pretty fascinating.

Yeah, that could be their best advertising angle - we show you the gross shit - because for some reason seeing the…

Oh my yes! I NEED to see the “harrowing detritus sucked out of [my] pores.” This is going on my Christmas list. (Yes, I am an adult whose families still do Christmas lists.)

Oh my yes! I NEED to see the “harrowing detritus sucked out of [my] pores.” This is going on my Christmas list.…