I'm pretty strongly anti-religion in a lot of ways. At the very least, you can say I'm an atheist (because that's true).

There really is no better feeling than making a douche's friends laugh at him.

I love and hate those displays when I'm in Little Tokyo or other Japanese restaurants. I love them because I know what I'll be getting, but I hate it because I end up salivating over several. D;

Actually, what you can't tell is that the one loose thread is half an inch thick, so.

I make some amazing penis cozies, it's true.

I have met very few people (though they certainly exist) who can react quick enough to be at all witty when confronted with something ridiculous. Most customer service folks I know overwhelmingly answer in mundane and confused ways because the crazy catches you off gaurd.

Now what am I going to dip in my Latte?

Or...they thought it would have fewer calories than the non-diet Pepsi? I'm not sure why it's stupid to go with the option that's X number of calories rather than X + 150 (or whatever) calories, if you like the diet soda as well as or more than the non-diet version (or if you're adding enough stuff to the drink that…

No, actually, I don't-I work in IT, which frankly is another field in which people think things should go faster than it's actually possible for them to go. The things that non-IT people think should be easy can actually be incredibly complicated, while other things are actually very easy to fix and thus seem magical.
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Feel free to point him out.

Look, this is a heinous act and this guy should be arrested and brought to trial as quickly as possible. But articles like this, about how the cops aren't doing *everything* they could (like what, arrest every white guy over 6'4" they see?) and making sarcastic comments about how a profession none of us have…

No, this is a home for a penis.

Obligatory We're the Millers reference.

You have no idea. I drink scotch. After Katrina, quarantined in Hattiesburg, I drank Kahlua and orange juice, no ice, because no electricity, in my underwear, in a garage.

I lol'd at the crunchy allergy. It kind of reminds me of some of the stupid shit people do at the casino buffet I work for:

I read your name as "PinkVagina" and I thought that was an appropriate name for the beverage in question.

I was a waitress at a restaurant. I was fairly new at the time of the incident described below.

while I've had a customer ask for and then gleefully drink multiple rounds of a Yuengling with grenadine and a straw in it

Jesus would surely cry if offered a Chicken in a Biskit cracker.

A) What the fuck is wrong with people?