Yet, ironically, you cannot escape continental philosophy in any English Literature graduate program.

For real? We should cure malaria and then start shooting all the rich white people.

No, Glenn Beck is cancer.

Yeah some stereotypes are sometimes true. Like, sometimes some black men are more athletic than some white men.

Other texts that follow your entirely logical version of fanfiction:

I think that's what all authors do.

Yeah it confuses me how all these religions hate each other. I'm like, LISTEN GUYS. The ones who don't care about religion all that much agree about pretty much all the stuff that's important (don't kill people, etc). The ones who DO care about religion A LOT pretty much agree about everything, except maybe how some…

Not having "any feminist rules at all" is wrong.

America is very big into religious fundamentalists.

Hahaha. It's apparently all about my tone. I try to be quick and efficient and to-the-point and it comes across all brusque-sounding and like I'm pissed off. It's just that when the server is busy I try to be quick so they don't have to waste their time with me, but sometimes it backfires and I just sound demanding.

It depends on what kind of place you're ordering food from. I don't tip at the pizza place when I pick up my pizza, which was just thrown in a box. If I order from a regular restaurant, I tip a dollar or a couple of dollars, because when I worked at a restaurant in the mall and people would call and order pick-up in…

Thing is, not leaving a tip for exceptionally shitty service is acceptable (in my opinion). When someone is doing really poorly at their job of serving, then they don't deserve a tip. I'm assuming that waiting 2 hours for your food was not the norm (like, it wasn't a Super FancyPants restaurant, or you didn't order a…

Being a delivery driver can also be really dangerous. I know someone who delivered a pizza to people who ordered it only so they could drop a brick on his head from a second story window and rob him. The idea of delivery is frightening to me.

I totally agree that everyone should have a food industry job at some point. It's such a helpful way to understand the world.

Hmm, interesting. As a poor kid who went to school with rich kids, it's hard for me to tell—I mean, I'm definitely less normatively successful than my former high school classmates because I come from a poor family and they all came from rich families, so after college they just went to New York or San Fransisco or…

I mean, no. I feel happy. I feel successful after I do something cool, well. I feel successful after I write a good paper, or do some smart shit. I feel success (and pride!) when my dog is well-behaved at the dog park. But not generally.

Yeah this has been proved quantitatively untrue many times. The shit that makes you popular in high school makes you popular in real life. Popular people make more money than unpopular ones, etc.

"Let loose the hounds of war!" —Julius Caesar, Shakespeare

Right, this is like the joke about the Koch brothers.

Hahha, I totally understand. There's been a marked increase in my comments on Jezebel because I'm in the middle of finals.