My bowel sometimes gets a little moody during high-stress, emotional times—like, say, a wedding. Or, more accurately, my honeymoon; the entire weeklong duration of which was spent (by my innards) on a poop-strike.

It's not an obnoxious question, thought it's a nice touch to call ahead if you can so you already know.

No, that's totally okay. I do that sometimes, and the server can give a helpful tip like, "Well, dish X is really filling, while dish Y is a smaller portion, so it depends on how hungry you are" or "Dish X is pretty spicy, so if you're not into that, maybe go with dish Y." Or can just say "People love both." But…

You win ... a year's supply of diarrhea!

I feel confident that these were meant to be smuggled into a prison.

Clearly you need hotter students.

I made that comment also—and preceded it with "I'm sure I'm not the first to say this, but ..."

Make t-shirt yarn! http://www.craftpassion.com/2009/05/recycl… You can either use it for crafting or pass it along to someone else.

wearing my MISANDRY t-shirt and showing bored acquaintances iPhone videos of my rabbit

There's no shame in the daily pill box. But you could also just set your pill out at night. (If you have a cat, put the pill under an upside-down drinking glass or he'll eat it because cats are assholes.)

You may want to research PCOS (polycystic ovarian syndrome). It can cause infrequent (but heavy) periods as well as some bizarre stuff like excess body hair and weight gain.

I remember doing them in junior high school gym class, but the teacher called them "squat-thrusts." Which is sort of accurate but really inappropriate. But "burpees" makes no GD sense.

"No" is a sufficient answer, certainly. But if you want to be proactive, get a recommendation for a pet-sitter and then if asked, you can bounce the focus off your unwillingness to sit and say, "I can't, but I've heard great things about Sitter Person. Friend recommended her; she's great."

... except she's going into debt and potentially neglecting her (real, breathing) children.

All the Pretty Colors: Looking Directly into the Sun

But have you gained weight while working online?

What is wrong with you that you would post this story and NOT add photos??? ;)

I'm so sorry that happened to you. All the hugs.

Cats must weigh two pounds before they can be fixed. They have to be big enough for their bodies to handle the anesthesia.

Is that a mustache on the baby's dress? Why does EVERY f*cking thing have to have a mustache on it now????