It's always a mistake to wear flip-flops. Always.

Haters to the left.

I think he's a really smart guy who is totally trolling the world because he knows he can. My take: He is semi-serious about the "fakeness of this reality/reality of the fakeness" stuff (my paraphrasing, not a quote) but he is totally not serious about his own self-importance.

"I was going to run anyway!" Scuttles to water.

You forgot the queen of this category...

Equal time for the otherwise inclined:

That Bourdain pic is equal parts disturbing and hilarious to me. I do not know how he managed to keep a straight face for that.

That man can sell me robot insurance any day.

Can we count Henry Rollins? He's only in his 50s, but he's been gray for years.

C'mon no Viggo??..

Gosh, in my experience, it doesn't take much to get a necklace. Especially a pearl necklace.

Miley Cyrus, 21, is sooooo advanced in maturity as to be unintelligible to people four years younger than her.

Can you start giving your mom and your uncle matching butt plugs?

My uncle gave me a vibrator for Christmas. When I was nine. The following 3 Christmases he gave me the same thing. I asked my mom why she thought this was acceptable. She replied "I thought you were ready.."

I'm less worried about the JLaw thing than I am about the whole "touched up more than a choir boy at the Vatican". WTF Joan Rivers? There are tons of touched up jokes that don't go straight to pedophilia. Like for example "touched up more than Joan River's face" - rumor goes 700 surgeries, non?

You mean "sparkles" controversy.

YOU CALL THAT PRANCING?

I'm not sure if "racist" and "homophobic" are actually the right terms to use. I'd say that things like "backward" and "ignorant" are more appropriate. Do you really think that this guy HATES African Americans and gay people? I'd say that he seems to genuinely care about people, regardless of their differences, but…

If they are old enough to hold a crayon, they are old enough to hold a gun! What are you, some sort of crazy liberal?

I can't be the only one dieing to see the partial birth abortion page, right?!