He’s still going to replace Paul Ryan. They had no problem letting a guy who actually molested wrestlers he coached be House Speaker, why would they care about someone who merely allowed it to happen?

Yeah it’s totally believable that a federal judge would take a bribe and then be dumb enough to pay off his fucking credit card debt with it.

Yeah, his best bro...Bradamir...Tutin. Yeah.

Follow the rubles!

and, he exposed himself as a nationals fan.

The money totally fell off a truck, honest!

Don’t worry. Once that Nigerian bank releases his funds, Kavanaugh will clear up everything.

Yeah his fucking bros just all decided to pay him back at once. That’s totally believable. 

To be fair, those Royals were a very underwhelming World Series champion team.

Jesus, they sound like Mets fans (and everyone else the Royals beat) in 2015.

“Well, ya know, they just play superb defense and have one of the best bullpens of all time ... but they’re actually not really a good team. They’re just getting lucky. We’re actually better than them.”

My early consolations to Vukojevic’s family, after he (inevitably) dies from self inflicted radiation poisoning and driving his car off a cliff, while stabbing himself 56 times.  

“Heywood’s a convicted felon, isn’t he Monty?”

“And this one belongs to the Reds” - Jim Brennaman

“ahhhhh the hell with it.”

I was disappointed that “Boom goes the dynamite” wasn’t mentioned.

Remember when Florida’s only job was to absolutely wreck Ohio State’s shit on the national stage back in the 00's?

If you cry when your team loses, then you run the risk of becoming a meme. These goddamn kids and their memes, they get you when you’re at your very weakest.

“He leads in most offensive categories including nose hairs.”

What are the best sports catchphrases of all time? We need a definitive list.

Correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe Paul signed before Cousins joined the Evil Empire.