I have not seen Into the Woods but, I feel Meryl Streep will always get a nomination for anything she does. She could be sitting on a corner strumming an one string ukulele and still get nominated.

I looked at a car there last month and regretted it. Super bro-y. The salesman kept disappearing, leaving me waiting at the desk for at least five minutes at a time, even when I just asked for a business card. He and his manager tried every trick in the book to keep from giving me a price. I eventually gave them a…

How can you hate on delivery drivers? They bring HOT DELICIOUS FOOD TO YOUR DOOR you lazy fuck.

Robert Pattinson must be having the time of his fucking life dating her. Good for both of them!

Big fan of the ending dance moves. Made me miss Aaliyah :(

I had a childhood friend (whom I'm no longer in touch with) that went to boarding school for her freshman year of high school and Dakota Johnson was her roommate. Apparently she did a lot of coke and/or other drugs and was just a nasty bitch. Said friend ended up returning home to go to regular high school after that…

I'm with you, Kelly. It fits her like a fucking dream and also makes it look like she was down to just grab Grandma's damask tablecloth, tie it on and shout, "LET'S DO THIS, MOTHERFUCKERS"

I want to bring caftans back so bad.

My father is broken up about this. He got a week's detention by the nuns in his Catholic school because he and his friend snuck out of a field trip showing of some Saint Patrick movie and they watched La Dolce Vita instead. He said it was the best week of detention he ever had.

my ex-gf worked with me (notice I said WITH ME and not "for me").

Romeo Rose? Is that you?

P.S: candidate should be ok with possibly being murdered and buried under the floorboards.

He might let her crash in the bathtub. Oh, who am I kidding? She can crash in his shower stall because he doesn't have a bathtub in his house the size of a matchbox.

So ladies? Who's it gonna be?

so where does his muse sleep? oh right, she just recharges in a corner chair.

I can't lie: I checked out as soon as I hit the word "cuddle" in the first bullet point. "Cuddle" is the "moist" of relationship words. *cringes*

was obsessed with this pic in high school

There is actually a hole in the back of the fanny pack he slips his penis through, so if you unzip it all you see is dick.