Geezer Tales: Not long after this happened I dressed as Zsa Zsa for Halloween. One of those cheesy black-and-white striped convict costumes with a platinum blonde wig and a boa. It was a great success. But a couple of years later I recycled the wig and boa into a Miss Piggy costume (pig nose, pink sweater and my shiny…

I did the same thing.

Between this and the squirrel story, I’ll just say it’s a good night to have eaten vegetarian for dinner.

We are everywhere, the members of this shitty club. I am holding my inhaler in the air like a candle.

And Greta Gerwig! Both of them with beautiful expressive faces I could look at all day.

He seems to have forgotten that she also shut down the people in the audience who were heckling him, saying he was “a guest of my church, and you will respect him.”

Adding to what’s already a tangled-up bunch of cultural and linguistic issues: I’m rounding the bases toward 60 and I cringed at her use of 50 as the cutoff point for “elderly and out of touch enough to get a pass.”

And made a point of saying the crash was 90 miles from Nashville, same as Cline’s, in case anyone might require an even bigger anvil.

Let’s leave Waffle House out of this, please.

I had no idea of this. I’m having a bit of a colliding-worlds freakout, like when you find you that your cool older friend used to date your dad or something. Lynda Barry is the bigger crush and therefore has my allegiance.

YES. Time for my favorite Alton Brown quote: “Imagine a flower: A climbing orchid, to be exact; the one of some twenty thousand varieties that produces something edible. Now imagine that its blooms must be pollinated either by hand or a small variety of Mexican bee, and that each bloom only opens for one day a year.…

I’m not by any means defending the father’s overall statement, which was entirely inappropriate, but in my line of work I deal every day with people’s sloppy use of language and I suspect he didn’t mean “20 minutes of action” as a synonym for “20 minutes of sex” but in the sense of “his actions over a span of 20…

I’m 59 and I think it feels worse, but at least part of that seems to me to be a response to the things that are actually moving in a good direction—GLBT equality, for example, or the fact that we’ve had a two-term African American/biracial president. Both are things that were almost literally unthinkable when I was a…

It pales beside anything with booze, but I used to make some pretty good salad dressing out of OJ concentrate, plain yogurt, lime zest & toasted poppyseeds.

Currently a three-way tie: Cancer, Ann Coulter, Franklin Graham. I want to put all three of them in a sack together and throw it into the ocean, except it would be too polluting.

Let me tell you, kids, those were the days. Mondays and Thursdays, an hour of Jazzercise set to a 90s soundtrack. Shiny leggings, giant t-shirts, chunky socks and Reeboks. Me and my friend in the back row fucking up the steps. After class, a smoke in the parking lot and then a stop at Dairy Queen. Heaven.

A few years ago she gave $4 million to establish a music education center in Nashville. She could get good publicity with much smaller gifts.

YES. Cottonelle 4ever.

YES. If nothing else disqualified him from the presidency, his contempt toward the military would. And it’s not even principled contempt, just ignorant dismissiveness. From his “own private Vietnam” (avoiding STDs from all the sleeping around he did during his deferments) to the crack about McCain not being a hero to…

Laws, yes. Also can we resurrect that really old series of posts where somebody was telling us how little we need to do to clean our catbag? Because I would love to read through some of that again.