I said to my wife, "this will be on Deadspin". Thanks for not disappointing.

Why would he hit a bridge if he fell out of a boat? Why is the boat on a bridge? Why is he on a boat on a bridge? Minnesota is a weird fucking place.

I don't think a small wager fantasy league among friends is anything compared to a player's actual performance, win-loss record, millions-dollar contracts, and legacy. Pretty sure if given the option to throw a game for their fantasy league or playing their best, they'd go with the real-life option every time.

Of course he picked it up. It's his contract extension.

Do you really think this is "apparently just about a meme?" If Winston dressed up like Grumpy Cat and yelled, "I can has heizman?" do you think he'd have also been suspended?

I think we'd already established that Jameis doesn't understand the meaning of "no."

-1. That was absolutely the right decision you silly Muggle.

In response to EVERYONE who keeps saying "if they did that their careers will be over" I don't care. IF you TRULY want to claim the moral high ground and act with righteous indignation they HAVE TO BURN THEIR SOURCES. Otherwise it's just apoplexy without purpose (other than personal facesaving).

panties OFF.

I wholeheartedly agree with your entire list, however, I would only hypothetically fuck Ray Rice's lawyer.

Baltimore: [cuts Rice]

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Sorry in advance for breaking Kinja.