Truly, ours is the best democracy money can buy!

Hopefully, the reason we have to make our own nice things.

I would though.

It looks like one of the "lite" models from this place: http://www.golittleguy.com/#

If you ask someone with a two-pedal tiptronic whatever if they have a manual or an automatic, be prepared to cringe when they say "both!" Do you have a clutch? If you don't, you're car is equipped with an automatic gearbox. Get over it, and stop lying to yourself and your loved ones.

They're not sporty. They're not particularly utilitarian. If I could honestly say they weren't vehicles, they'd have the hat trick.

For me it's a package deal, I rarely get chips on their own and if I'm having a burger, I'm usually having chips. But I'll concede that it is theoretically possible to make a chip large enough that several would suffice. I have yet to see it happen in a restaurant, however. Folks seem to enjoy a greater crispy crust…

Fair enough, but I've tried a great many different burgers so I have a pretty good idea of what I like and I'll admit I'm not likely to be in a position to try this one any time soon.

I imagine it making a snappy little *POK* sound and twirling through the air to clatter to the floor like a toy.

Nope, not convinced. (How long are you going to try?)

I want to kick that little fin off.

Color me unconvinced.

My wife hates it when chefs (or whatever) serve fries in a little cabin like this (four fries? serious?). If you're gonna serve some cheap-o fried potatoes with your $17 hamburger, serve a big ol' pile of 'em for fuck's sake! At least folks won't be hungry after eating your tiny burger.

Nah, he shoulda shot it out of some kinda ball-cannon thingy.

But it's so satisfying to try.

"Donorcycle."

"I say good chap, won't you be so good as to hold my champagne and observe the feats of derring-do I am about to perform?"

Ok, here's another pro tip: Don't slice up Billy either. He explodes even before you slice him.

PROTIP: Don't go around slicing open fully-inflated tires. It'll explode in your goddamn face. If you want to go around slicing up tires without any air in them at all, whatever, that's your prerogative, I just don't know why you would do it. You could find more productive uses of your time. You haven't seen your…

Yep, definitely doing it wrong.