I once worked as a barista at a very kid-friendly cafe in a hoity-toity suburb in a particularly snobby section of Alexandria, Virginia. It was a huge, two-room place—the main cafe, where the counter and several tables and chairs were, and then another big room with lots of places to sit, and a box of toys for kids. I…

If I had obscene amounts of money, this is what I would spend it on.

"...so it may as well be one of those sacks on a stick that cartoon vagrants carry around."

This is called a "bindle," and a person who carries one is called a "bindlestiff." Yes, really.

This would have been a non-story if the headline had been "TEENAGE BOY SUPPORTS PUBLIC BOOBAGE."

Good news! The character's name is actually "Nala."

"OK, so who actually is the head of the Muslim peace movement if such a group even exists?"

It took me about 30 seconds of Google searching to find that gif! But the episode is forever burned into my scarred, scarred memory.

The "mammal category" here is an order, the category three levels above "species." Humans, for example, belong to the order Primates.

Also, bats aren't rodents. So distracting. WAY TO TAKE ME OUT OF THE STORY, FARRAH.

I feel like Hank Hill would characterize the experience somewhat differently.

"He's like your cool guy friend that you'd only make out with that once while drunk, but didn't bone in the end because you don't live in a romantic comedy and he makes too many fart jokes in real life."

WERE YOU AT MY COMPANY CHRISTMAS PARTY LAST YEAR. BE HONEST.

I just watched the episode about Timothy McVeigh's last meal. POETRY.

The spiders in the video are definitely spiders.

D: