OMG, the otter/seal rape is fucked. And now otters have been ruined for me. THANKS MARK.

But why? :( The video you posted a couple of weeks ago taught me how to finally do my eyeshadow right! I mean, I’m totally fucking it up I’m sure, but I’m doing 99% better than I was before. Le sigh.

I am FB friends with the LITERAL WORST COUPLE and they post constantly to each other’s walls and comment to each other and it’s SO FRUSTRATING. My husband suggests I hide their shit from my newsfeed but to be completely honest, I derive a sick satisfaction from hating them sometimes. He does not share my love of…

So I dated a guy for 7 years (yes, 7 years) - end of high school through college and then some. When we broke up, I bailed in every sense of the word, even deleting my old Facebook account and starting fresh. (Do you know how many friends and relatives of your SO you amass over 7 years? I couldn’t bear to individually…

But wait, is Pandora exempt from this? Because the first—and only—times I’ve heard her new song have been on Pandora (on my Milky Chance station, actually, which still seems odd to me).

“You gave your wife $7 million,” the judge interrupted, “so she’ll be okay.”

Crying at my desk. Jesus.

I haven’t had cable in years so I’m surprised to hear that Joel McHale STILL hosts the show? I used to watch it back in ‘06ish, had no clue that he still did it. Now I feel like I’ve been missing out.

This literally never occurred to me either, and my mind has been blown.

10th grade world history class. The teacher was handing back papers and mine was missing. I was a straight A student and knew the penalty of a late paper was that it was marked down 50%, so I was obviously concerned. After class I went up to the teacher’s desk (mind you, this teacher had serious favorites [the popular…

This is my thing. I know we sleep better apart, but when I wake up and Mr CatCheese isn’t there, I am legitimately saddened.

Okay so remind me to never go off the pill. Holy hell is this terrifying.

Yayyyy step-by-step make-up videos. This is what I need in my life.

Oh I would absolutely agree with this. It’s like when I see candid pictures of myself laughing—all I see is a crooked smile or an unfortunate camera angle. But similar pictures of others, I look at and think “awww, look at that genuine happiness!”—and don’t pick them apart at all. We will always be our own worst…

I wish I had pictures of all my Halloween snack fails. We had a party this year and I tried all sorts of stuff that I didn’t *think* was overly ambitious. like, how hard can it POSSIBLY BE to dip rice krispy treats into melted white chocolate? how hard can it POSSIBLY BE to make edibly googly eyes out of cornstarch…

Yes, the back fat. I had a back fat meltdown a few weeks before my wedding, begged my seamstress to “do something” and the dress looked much better. But I had my last fitting 2 weeks before the wedding because we were traveling out of state and it just worked out that way, and I ate a ton, and then the back fat was…

Lol. This did not apply to me. I kept on stress-eating until the day before. I wish I had the kind of stress that made me forget to eat, but alas, it wasn’t meant to be!

I stopped caring and did not lose a single pound before my wedding. In fact, I think I gained 10. I was bothered by my lack of ambition and somewhere deep down I feel a tinge of regret for not looking “my absolute best,” but as a stress -eater to begin with, losing weight while planning something monumental like MY…

Oh I’m sure I’ll screw this up. I have pretty hooded eyelids, so I’m always looking for ways for my eyes to pop more! I do a baby version of this already on the days that I’m not too lazy, but I don’t do dramatic shades, which is good because I’m positive I’m doing this wrong.

I’m pretty much a newbie when it comes to eyeshadow (literally JUST bought my first palette, after years of just eyeliner/mascara) so if you could give a mini explanation of how to achieve the cut crease the right way (vs my half-assed newbie I-barely-know-how-to-use-these-brushes way), that would be much appreciated!