Yes. Let her say "I'm pregnant!" wait and moment and add, "And I helped!"

Obviously, there aren't a lot of 6 year olds at E3 because those kiosks would've been slammed.

Dude, I love Baileys. Creamy. You ever drink it from a shoe?

That battery change on the Stratus sounds similar to the procedure for changing the belt on the PT Cruiser.

I was coming here to post this exact thing.

High fives to you...but not all of them.

I've heard all this somewhere before...

So your kid learned to poop in a toilet earlier means you won the parenting race? Still have to wipe poop and keep diapers on hand, right? That's an empty victory.

I've never been a fan over the "overly aggressive father" image. When others have told me I need to get a shotgun, I've just smiled politely and offered a quick "yeah". Look, if I have to be the kind of father that stands as a friggin' gatekeeper to my daughter, then I've failed in my job. She's confident, intelligent…

AKA Pinterest: The Movie

I can't imagine not being there after the birth of my little hell raiser. I took 2 weeks off. How could you look into the eyes of your brand new family member and think, "man, did I finish that report?" Screw that noise.

I too believe in an "All of the Above" energy policy; solar, fracking, nuclear, wind, teams of hamsters on wheels, magnets, rubbing two sticks together, whatever makes kindergarteners so danged energetic, or some technology that takes the shame of taking any paid acting gig to pay the bills because if I don't I might…

Science fact: The Utahwaffle is the largest known member of the waffle family.

I don't knit, I sew. This is bullshit. Not all men knit damnit!

There are obviously no history majors among that ignorant lot. I mean I understand they needed a horrible sexist Native American pum, but c'mon, Navajo? If you're going to go with a Thanksgiving-themed exercise in racism, try Wam-poon-oag.

Won't be satisfied until NERF hops on the bandwagon with a line of weapons inspired by the movie. Hold your very own Hunger Games in the back yard!

Probably the part where he tries to blame his plagiarism on the fact that he had exams. I wasn't the best or brightest student but even if I did have exams, I'd take at least 90mins (usually right before the assignment was due) to put SOMETHING down and I'd own it.

I used to just ram my cart into the nearest shelf, buying whatever fell into my cart and consuming it quickly. It didn't matter that it was 3 jars of mayo, a bruised pear and 12 pack of capri sun. That's the way it was. But now that I'm a Manfluencer, all that is in the past. THANKS MIDAN MARKETING!

Is that from Yo Gabba Gabba? They seriously have some of the best music for kids ever.

Add "Prank" to the list of words and phrases assholes have co-opted to excuse their shitty behavior.