Not sure if rhetorical or serious, but:

All I know is, I wouldn’t get on an elevator with him.

So, 2023, then?

“I’ve been elected governor of a state whose natural wealth has been stolen by carpetbaggers, whose traditional industries have been destroyed and where opioid deaths are soaring. So obviously, my first priority will be to decide who gets to coach the second-best football team.”

Journalists have been trying to figure out what objectivity looks like in the new media world, especially with so much content being brought to us by instant articles interns and the like, rather than full-time staff members who have presumably gone to journalism school. Being transparent about who you are and what…

Who the girls were doesn’t matter; the fact that leggingsgate became a hashtag is a massive PR fail. (Also, Jesus, United, update your employee dress code.)

So sorry, sweety. It’s hard to lose a gorgeous furbaby.

It’s a really fucked up disease. I hope he’s able to go into remission with or without playing hockey; he is way too young to be dealing with that shit.

Pretty sure we are irrelevant to this discussion. There is nothing here that prevents us from being whatever we want to be.

Welp, you pretty much covered it. I wanted to punch my phone when this showed up in my TL. FUCK YOU, PEPSI. FUCK YOU.

Adding my vote to the “it was clear that threesome was never, ever, ever going to happen” crowd.

Oh, sweet cheeks, we ALL want a 9-to-5 job where we are treated like human beings.

Yep. This simile needs to be retired: There is almost nothing about running a business that translates directly into running a government.

Oof. Very sorry you feel that way, but it seems like a reasonable reaction, to our shame.

Actually, United offers 3o inches in economy class on its single-aisle airplanes, according to numbers provided to CNN by the airlines and updated in January. That’s less than everyone but Spirit (28 inches).

And school dress codes are often stupid, sexist and unevenly enforced. My kid’s school had a “no spaghetti straps” rule for K-6: Who does that impact, and what good does it do?

United offers less leg room than almost any other major carrier. If they don’t want people wearing leggings, maybe give them enough room to sit comfortably in more-formal clothes?

For Northern Californians, our hatred of Texas takes a back seat to our hatred of everything south of Santa Barbara.

This turned out to be a subtweet aimed at Ryan, who Judge Jeanine said has to go.

Actual lyrics: