Does this mean that I'll need to consult the card catalog my local library to overcome the rigorous textual analysis requirement for future comments? Let's see... FIGHTS, HOCKEY.. no.. FIGHTS, ROOSTER.. no, too far... ah, here we are FIGHTS, RESTAURANT — SOCIOLOGICAL ANALYSIS.

To be fair, the four were all playing an intense game of "Not It" when it came to who was going to be named the group's Samantha.

00s: The Mighty Monarch from the Venture Brothers, the only villain that said "Dick move!"

"Looks like we got a new spokesumpire!" — Immodium AD marketing department.

Unfortunately, Citibank officials fraudulently foreclosed on the possibility of any future structural changes.

"Hot to Trot's Bobcat: This actor stinks!" — Jay Sherman

One of my favorite comic book advertisements back in the day was the Charles Atlas Flyover State Self-Image Enhancement Kit. It usually had a cartoon where a weak, non-coastal state had tedious, sports-related minutiae kicked in its face by a coastal state until it sent off for the Kit, which taught it how to…

"But if you're interested if hot new acts, I have two-fifths of Uriah Heep, the lead singer from Asia, and the raucous, unbridled tunesmithery of Level 42," continued Curbishley.

There's a reason they made shorts, while the Marx Brothers made movies. Test audience feedback for the first planned Three Stooges movie back in Hollywood's Golden Age indicated that the viewers would rather have, among other things: (a) taken a roll in the hay with Eleanor Roosevelt, (b) been wearing a paraffin suit…

Reporter: "What happened out there, Blake?"

I just do my best Joe Rogan-doing-Alex Jones impersonation, refuse to be seated in any courtroom with gold-fringed admiralty flags, say something about the Bilderbergers, and wait to be escorted out of the courthouse by a deputy of some sort. Shouting "you're a U.N. stooge!" at the deputy is optional.

TNT's Inside the NBA is to NBA-related insight what Metal Machine Music is to music, Think Like a Man is to manhood, and Jim Belushi is to the Belushi name.

28. A manager should remain detached from his players (but not from reality)

"Before I knew it, the plush head had come off, and there was Luke Walton, screaming 'FLAGRANT TWO' at the nearest ref."

I will give it up; for a supposedly gritty, realistic take on the Batman brand, Nolan has produced a lot of scenes entirely less plausible than civic-minded dolphins saving a buoy-bound Batman and Robin '66 from a torpedo.

But moonless Venus has made a very attractive offer to van Pelt's planetoid-sized cranium, for exclusive rights to orbit it and be studied by astronomers.

If only he could become Vince Carter of Mars, since they have 40% the gravity of Earth.

This is obviously plagiarized from Alfred Jarry's epic essay "Je ne comprends pas base-ball," also written under the influence of absinthe.

.. or the escalator to nowhere, or world's largest magnifying glass, improvidently placed near that popsicle-stick (?) skyscraper.

When Mario Elie blew a kiss at the Suns after hitting that corner 3-pointer. DAMN SCHAYES YOU SLOW.