@PossumAloysiusJenkins: It can't be much worse, to be honest.

In this era where everyone's concerned about losing jobs, leave it to me to turn in a two-week notice.

The certification of the victory is still pending the results of a urine test and 5 appeals.

As a true procrastinator, I'd say I still have 7 days to get those tickets.

As a Cubs fan, I've quickly tired of the YES network.

Hazel Mae sounds like the name of a 300lb girl, married to her cousin, and the proud owner of 3 teeth. Instead, she's a moderately attractive Asian woman. I'm confused.

MLB.com says that this Cubs-Yanks game is a regular season game. The YES announcers just said it's an exhibition game.

Go Cubs! Good to see us score a run in the top of the first. Now, we only have to hold it for 9 innings.

@Quake 'n' Shake: I'll likely "politely decline" when she gives me more information about this girl. Unless she shows me a picture of an attractive girl. Then I don't have a choice.

That's Kyle. The one without the boobs hanging out

@Curious Ape: Last week they were seen pouring vodka from a plastic bottle into a bottle of grey goose to pass around at a party.

@Sculptor?!? I just met her!: Maybe they were all passed out in the basement?

With all of this talk about Autism Awareness and Autism speaks and whatnot, I have a strong desire to remind people, "the opinion of the majority should not be equated with the truth."

@Quake 'n' Shake: Actually, you're pretty close to the conversation.

@Lizabelle: Honestly, I was thinking that if the girl's a virgin at this age, there's a reason for it and I probably want no part of that reason.

@Chris Hanson's Axe And Chris Hansen's Ask: It was certainly not on the list of questions running through my mind.

@Katni:

Apologies for the CPSLness of the post, but I've found myself in a situation I wasn't expecting.

Demetrius Dick believes this is a fantastic idea.

This seems like an appropriate time to mention that Woody Paige is hosting Around the Horn today.