Still the most underrated mascot in my opinion

Jeter's gotten enough gloves as "gifts", doncha think?

The Twins plan to give him a chair made out of the balls he didn't get to in the hole.

What better way to say you care than a gift basket?

This is the problem with hosting the Olympics in a warmer climate. In the rest of Russia, these puppies would have just frozen to death, and Gus wouldn't have to snuggle them to death with smoochie-woochies.

Even though I've heard that their saliva is cleaner than a human's, I still don't think I'd kiss a Greek person.

Actually the rumors are linked. When Weeden learned they were bringing in a younger QB in Manning to the organization, he knew it was time for him to leave.

"Him rubbing two pink eyes is much better than him touching one brown eye"
- V. Putin

But the bright side is that you are now the American sports journalist who was banned from the 2014 Olympics for online pics of you yanking off your knob.

Translator: [looks up "stoked"]

Flamer Tweets Controversial Picture of Fruit

There's just a massive splatter of semen on Darren Rovell's ceiling right now.

Now these Olympics are officially ridiculous. There are black cross-country skiers?

"I field several times a day the question is Jared coming back? "

Who knew Buster was a truther?

Queso was hamstrung by being lumped in with Velveeta & RoTel. It was like pairing steak with Steam-umm in a meat bracket; no way it could carry that dead weight.

Sorry, guac. It ain't easy bein' green.

Oh man, that's gonna ruin Bennett's season.