The Wall is in Bryce Harper's Head

That odd look of concentration Urlacher has in this picture makes sense when you realize what he's staring at:

Jalen: "Ah, I get it now! So Tony Allen would win the Oscar, and you'd win the Pulitzer, right Bill?"

Magic: "... Okay, let's try this again."

Jesus, he looks like such a Messier.

He's that overrated Brit that Dalglish bought for Liverpool for too much money the season before last.

Chin up Greg- If you're looking for slow English wingers with similarly limited skill sets, you've still got Stewart Downing.

A platinum blonde girl named Charissa, with poor acting skills, on an internet video, featuring a giant black guy jumping on top of her? Am I on Fleshbot?

Wait, this can't be Rick Reilly's work. It has comments on it.

No surprises in that last paragraph. If there's any team out there who consider themselves bigger than the Cosmos, it's the Yankees.

Wow. Usually when someone tells me to "eat their asshole", I assume they're just offering me a bite of their Grand Slam.

"Please, female comedians will say the weirdest shit to get you in trouble"- Louis CK

"See, this is why I always keep the five-hole open"- Jimmy Howard

I still don't think you get it. You'll kick yourself when you do though. Trust me, it's a DOOZY.

What's wrong, was it over your head?

Hey, can't be worse than your mayors, right?

Curiously, no one wants to fess up to the Barclays Center aroma.

Well, I'm Irish, so I just viewed it as payback for Henry.

Fair point, although your earlier assessment of him still stands.

Rafa Benitez: "Okay, you see this big round thing? It's called a football. See, you want to try to kick it, but not too hard, right at that thingy right over there that we call a goal. If you do that, all the fans here will be thrilled! Doesn't that sound exciting?"

A logical-if-late step in baseball's progress into joining every other sport here in the 21st century.