We would not have lasted this long if we ever played together. I am hyper-competitive and will stab anyone who drags down my raid.

I’ve been with my man for 18 years so YMMV, but here’s our gift breakdown.

Goff got a rushing TD in the Atlanta game that was a blowout and got lit up as well - although not quite this hard. Someone needs to explain risk vs. reward to this $28 million idiot.

If they followed the Cards this season it would just be called “Nothing.”

NO. Do NOT use the handicapped button. We had a memo circulated at a school I worked at to tell able-bodied students to leave the button alone. More people hitting the button means it wears out faster and the school didn’t have money to fix it as often as it broke so the handicapped students were SOL when it…

I’ve never seen a Restoration Hardware before so when the catalogue arrived (unasked for) in the mail my boyfriend and I puzzled over it like an artifact. What is RH? Why are all the pictures so dark? Why is Criss Angel quoting Muhammad Ali?

You have my empathy and I have also fought through years of suicidal thinking. I describe it as a black hole. No matter how much love and support was thrown at me, it was all crushed into non-existance by my mental illness. Same with money, same with personal success, same with any moments of brief happiness. I…

Mike Pence was sitting in the owner’s box with Woody Johnson and no one bothered to boo him. Johnson is on the shortlist to be ambassador to the UK so brace for more London games.

Dorial Green-Beckham wore a pair of Kanye West cleats saying they benefited the Yeezy Foundation. This guy fucks.

Cam smirked through his whole presser. He seemed pleased to be talking about his coach’s terrible decision of benching him for one series. And not like, you know - the Panthers abominable play.  

I smoke weed every night before bed because it helps me sleep and it helps me dream about nachos.

I blame Madden 17.

Our game, New England rushed 46 times. 

I wonder if there is a way to send the Standing Rock supplies they could use? I mean, all those Bundy dilldos were sent from Amazon and I know people did that with bottled water to Flint as well.

Fisher went along with the ‘Will Hayes believes in mermaids but not dinosaurs’ bit on Hard Knocks so I’m going with troll.

The price of manufacturing has actually gotten cheaper in the US thanks to fracking giving us a cheap domestic power source. But the jobs that rural whites have a hard on for (single earner wages that can support a family with a stable company you can work at for 40 years) have not existed for at least a generation. …

Collinsworth was delightfully brutal this game. As Houston repeatedly ripped through the O line like a it was a pillow fort Collinsworth kept repeating a variation of “take that tackle out or both he and Siemian will be killed.” And he slagged Norwood a ton and wondered why he kept being put back in the game after…

Thug.

For GOAT funny play I go back and forth between the Buttfumble and “The Pagano” from the Colts. On the one hand, the Buttfumble is a national treasure. On the other hand, The Pagano had everything: unjustifiable playcalling, clueless players and illegal formation. As a Pats fan it’s a delicious question to ponder.

When I read the headline that he wasn’t going to go after Hillary, I actually felt absurdly grateful. Legally, I know he didn’t have a leg to stand on but like that’s ever stopped him before. I know Hillary is tough but since the election I’ve turned into Chris Crocker wailing, Leave Hillary alone!