Why is there a long block quote from Abe Simpson in this story about Jerry Jones?

If you listen really carefully, he reveals the secret location of his pot of gold.

That one white guy had no idea who he was. Fucking A-Aron

Because it’s no longer the Captain Morgan’s Club. It’s the DraftKings club. DraftKings is in bed with the MLB so they’re going to promote their sponsor as much as possible.

I was there in early September for a game and had a beer...the place is tiny. Why in the world did they pick that spot versus the 200 great/dive bars that surround Wrigley??

The NL choices are so bad. Can’t go for the Mets as a long time Braves fan.

Don’t forget our murder rate! Not just the best in Missouri...we’re a leg up on the whole damn country. Looks like Deadspin has saved the best for last. I expect the “Root for the Cardinals” article to have a different title than the rest and be nothing but positive.

It’ll be very interesting to see how far Putin goes with this. I enjoy the strategy of each chess move. It’s just a shame there are so many real lives (not to mention any chance for peace in Syria) hanging in the balance. I’ll be curious to see where we are 4 or 5 years down the road.

Yah but with our big and loud doctrines of spreading capital D Democracy, what can we do? We have to say something, but we can’t exactly go back to the old days of snuggling up to dictators hoping we can influence their nation’s democracy from the top down. Our hands are tied, which is all the more reason it makes…

Well I think we give a damn about Syria, it’s just that after several years, it’s become very clear that there is very little that we can actually do for the Syrian people. There don’t seem to be any politically palatable solutions nor do there seem to be any pragmatic and realistic military options. Russia seems to…

Exactly. I couldn’t help but think while reading this piece that I’m actually sort of glad Russia went in. It’s not that big of a PR coup against the US, but we’re now all but absolved of any responsibility to play World Police by getting further mired in Syria. And because it’s not Russian soil, I would guess we have…

@fart is blowing up

Have you ever seen Snowden and Scissorhands in the same place tho.

There is never not a time for Cardinal Way jokes.

This is not the time for Cardinal Way jokes.

I can smell the cologne from here.

Most cringeworthy video I’ve seen in a while. Can ferrari use their super douche powers to confiscate this car from this particular ass clown. I mean they send out cease and desist orders all the time for lesser things right?? I can’t image it would be to hard to find the owner either.

It was not legal,

Last I heard (and it might have been in a Deadspin post), they are down significantly over the past several years as more and more people get rid of cable/satellite TV in favor of Netflix and such. Also, SportsCenter just doesn’t serve any purpose in the smartphone era where scores and highlights and news are all…