I think my youngest daughter has it in her to make someone fake a kidnapping or a bomb threat someday.
Lalalalalalalala I'm a vegetarian with a "don't ask, don't tell" policy on McDonald's fries and I can't hear a word you're saying.
It's much cheaper to just take a picture of your own asshole and glue it to your face.
Everyone's too busy sexting to actually meet up and have sex.
i kinda wanna make this myself, on the cheap. i'll need to filter some gold out of some goldschlager.
Alternate headline:
Hi, everybody. This is Emma's, um, sister. Emma can't comment on this story because she's like totally dead. Of drowning or whatever. :'(
The wedding was scheduled for last week so it's not like she turned into Miss Havisham! Let her be sad about it for a week, dude.
Excellent, then my work here is done *Quantum Leaps* "Oh boy" Roll credits
I once had someone order the soup du jour. When I brought it, she said (in the bitchiest tone ever), "Excuse me, I've had soup du jour and this is NOT it!"
Telling customers "no" was my favorite thing as a server.
I watched Mrs. Doubtfire with my kid last night. According to him, "Robin Williams was nice. It's sad that he's not alive any more." That about covers it.
During grad school I worked in a parking booth at the university hospital. It was usually a great job, I always took night shifts so that I was basically being paid to study. Nothing ever happened, really.
I'm a supervisor at a warehouse here in Texas. I'm the one that closes up in the evenings. This was a Friday night and my wife and I had plans. I knew it was going to be a long day so I brought a change of clothes and my PH bag to work with me. Also know that I had just bought a bar and new Mustang GT. This is…
I'm from Boston, even in my worst moments I haven't yet that kind of racist dribble. I doubt that in "fear" we randomly blurt our most hateful racist commentary.
COFFEE SHOULD NOT TASTE LIKE PUMPKIN ANYTHING. ABOMINATION!
You're like the Mel Kiper of fruit analysis.
Raspberry is a mediocre-ass fruit. Not even the best of the berries.
The cheap shit. Normally I just make per instructions on the package, but sometimes if i have some pork or something left over in the fridge I'll throw it in there and that makes me a happy Fancyman.