I just read the entire script and I feel confident in my ability to watch this movie in a well-lit room during the brightest day of the year while only peeing myself with fear *a little*.

The fact that you like feeling it going blip-blip shows that you ARE starting to connect with the idea of a real baby. My pregnancy was so scary (but only because the dad was being an ass), but being my son’s mother has honestly been the best part of my life. And that’s saying a LOT since he’s now 16 and currently at…

As someone who has watched a ridiculous amount of horror movies, I am telling you that is one of the most rational fears EVER.

Just like vodka’s magical ability to go with every mixer you can think of, vodka can be served in any color container you wish. Because it loves us. 

Funny you should say that: https://www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/although-he-has-made-zero-effort-to-make-amends-it-is-time-to-bring-steve-the-masturbator-back-to-our-office

I will heart you forever for bringing the term “Saudi Doody” into my life

THANK YOU. I was starting to think I am the only person who finds her....lacking. 

I would not be surprised to learn that JG was behind the leaking of Blake Lively’s nude selfies from the set of The Town

First of all, I love your username!

Nowhere near as fucked up as “Reneesme”

Bullshit. Google exists.

Pressing all three buttons took a screenshot for me, as well.

The only thing thing Ms. Shepherd should change about what she wrote about Woody Allen is to correct that he didn’t marry his stepdaughter. He and Mia were never married, nor did they live together, so technically Soon Yi was not his stepdaughter. He married his children’s sister, and his girlfriend’s daughter, which…

even better than calling her dad to tell her how to kick ass: she calls her dad, explains the situation, and as he starts to tell her how to kick ass, she says, “Dad, I’ve got that. I was just calling to remind you to take your meds.”

Do you think he yells out, “Yeeeeee HAW” at the pivotal moment? BRB, gotta run barf....

The neighbor is divorced. He lives alone. I was hoping for a sordid sex story, but that seems unlikely. Will keep my fingers crossed, however.

I will only use headphones alone in my house with my back to a wall. Every time I try use them when I’m walking around my house, I hear “turn around. turn around. turn around”, and then my dog or cat touches me and I shriek and they run off and I pee myself just a tad, partly because I have freaked myself out and…

I was so hoping that Sookie would give him a home vasectomy. She has the knives for it...

Thank you.

I hear their Holocaust routine is really, like, sad.