Someone should sit down and tell her more songs like "stay, stay, stay," and "holy ground" less songs like "we are never getting back together".

I guess now is as good a time as any to ask if you want to go to the ice cream social with me?

For the last time, not all us small dick guys are like Gaston! sure, some of our brethren overcompensate for it, and women and gays are probably most likely to come across them in the wild. But most of us are just severely depressed, law biding, tax paying citizens doing everything possible to make sure that no one…

You're a true master at your craft

I just remembered a horrible story. Last summer I was working at dominos seven days a week. Every night at around nine o'clock the same address ordered 9 boxes of lava cakes online and nothing else. After about a month of this the house started ordering fifteen boxes every time. We started ordering extra cases of lava…

So I was reading this and think none of these are that bad. Slightly weird, sure. The sprinkle lady becoming irate bothered me a little. Then I read the ranch closer. I don't think I've ever had such a physical reaction to words. I want to quit the internet permanently and just hug my nieces and tell then I love them.

One caveat: I'm pretty sure the Song of Songs features pre-coital carpet munching.

Oh I like that. Let's combine our analogies.

oh yeah

Shorter list:

I don't think that's what Microsoft would discover

beautifully put

here's the thing: I agree that our culture does create an atmosphere where people envy what they don't have. I have friends of both genders in longterm relationships (mostly men) that will sometimes complain that they feel like they are missing out on the sexual smorgasbord that they imagine all single people are…

be careful:

no but they use our obvious hypocrisy to defend their own human rights violations all the time. The point was phrased a bit weirdly, but it still stands.

I don't think dudes or you on posing you actually don't put up with shit. Everything in life is shit you have to put up with, and I'm speaking as a white dude. It's obviously even worse if you are a woman or a minority. Like sometimes I'm amazed that everyone isn't just murdering everyone else constantly. It's really…

that's what I was going to say but then I saw that Andrew Keegan cult thing and now that's all I can think about it

hey look, nanny state laws are being used to target poor people. Who'd have guessed? Fuck this country

funny I always console myself with, "you turned out fucked up but so did everyone else"

mandatory: