good news: he's probably not faithful.

I see life like a video game. Like gta v or something. It's an open sandbox and there are no real consequences for anything because you just die anyway. So do what you feel and if people get hurt who cares? They'll forget all that when they die anyway.

I'm a hip 30 year old dude who is incapable of growing anything beyond peach fuzz on my face. The last few years have made me feel like a Tajik living under the Taliban except without all the physical assaults/beatings. Die beards, die a horrible death.

Can't anyone join a club?

I'm so sorry

who the fuck are these shitty little guys? When I was thirteen I used to be afraid that girls could read my pervy thoughts and used to hold in my orgasm at the end of wank sessions because I was worried that it'd anger Jesus. I guess I was shitty too, but at least I only hurt myself. It must be hard to raise well…

Wait a sec. Ru Paul is gay? I haven't heard the name since I was a kid and I always assumed he was a she and famous for being a giant lady. The more you know

The fact that you know a lot of nickleback fans and women over 25 that use taylor swift lyrics to describe their relationships says more about you than it does about taylor swift. It says "my name is Cassius. My friends are dumb and I love judging people. I'm not that smart, but I'd never guess it with the dummies I…

that instead of bland music they like catchy songs?

It's like they want me to say friendzone all the time

I didn't. I am writing this from beyond the grave. I died doing what I loved: masturbating with a rope around my neck.

When I was a thirteen year old boy I pretty much walked around with an erection and was incredibly depressed because no one wanted to touch it. Seventeen years later there's still no one who wants to touch it but in only erect a few times a day so I don't care except for the immense loneliness. The point is hormone…

As a catholic school grad, I can assure you that sex is hottest when served with a side of shame

But I'm not talking about giving a shit. I don't really give a shit. I am capable of recognizing that people I don't know are every bit as complicated as the people I do know. Why is that hard to conprehend?

Don't most stories have shades of gray though? They do when you know the people involved, so why do people assume they don't when the story involves strangers?

That's a bad honey moon, but on Peter the Great's wedding night is bride refused to have sex with him which he responded toslicing his hand to make everyone waiting downstairs think he had deflowered her, getting drunk, leaving to fuck his mistress for several hours and then returning home to rape his new wife several…

The world is a worse place without the Chappelle show in it.

But do people have to apologize every time a joke with good intentions gets laughed at for the wrong reasons? Is Dave chappelle responsible for having an awesome show that appealed to frat boys for the wrongs reasons?

people like you make me late for work everyday. Also me hitting the snooze button several times every morning

I remember when Hardee's came up with their four lb burger. My roomate and I immediately got in the car to get two. His mom called him on the ride over and goes "I just saw that commercial. Do NOT eat that burger. Promise?". He promised and then we are it anyway cause parents are lame. We spent all night destroying…