Nothing like being a semi-talented white man. Wish I had his job

I would like to think that this segment was the exact moment that Geraldo’s brain finally realized that “THESE MOTHERFUCKERS HATE ME TOO” but let’s be honest, Geraldo still thinks that his co-workers consider him one of “the good ones.”

I wonder sometimes who is the bigger loon, Rand or his dumbass dad

Yet another reminder that needs and the internet give mind are both the worst, and both should be killed with fire. As in actually lighting nerds on fire

The part that everyone forgets is the only reason that “The Patriot Way” works in New England is because Master Hoodie, TB12 and Kraft-Handjob are all complete fucking lunatics.

no, there’s no doubt. I vote we send the Marines in to kill them all during their games

Baseball is the dumbest fucking sport, and fuck America’s obsession with macho masculinity. Just accept that you’re a piece of shit who lives by unwritten rules of an arcane sport because it makes your tiny dick feel big. We all know you’re terrified of not being manly (I’m directing this at all the idiot baseball…

as always, baseball people are the biggest whiny bitches in sports

I live in Iowa. The only two musical choices you are allowed to have here are butt-rock or bro-country. Also, Slipknot is the official band of Iowa

How did you get a job as one of Tucker's script writers?

Eisenhower also had the balls to actually go overseas and fight the Nazis. Unlike Trump, cause he is a Nazi

Pentagon: “Mr. Secretary, North Korea has nuclear warheads pointed at the Capitol.”

Are we still talking about chicken or did we cross into cannibalism?

It's available on Amazon for $40 a season. They also sell the seasons on DVD on El Rey's website. Unfortunately, the show is basically dead after El Rey quit funding it and most of the wrestlers started suing to get out of their contracts

Hispanics are overwhelmingly Catholic, so the wrong kind of Christians. Ironically, Catholics are very conservative!

Here’s an idea: make the asylum process easy and efficient, and let their cases be heard in front of a judge in a timely manner. From there, base the decision of whether or not to grant asylum on the merits of their claim.

Not to get WWE with it, but I'd love it if these four "Free-Birded" the Presidency

We need the fucking Fairness doctrine back. Thanks Reagan! Asshole

I still say the horror movie I want to see is a group of dumbass college kids having to fight off a couple murderous cassowaries protecting their best or something. Cassowaries are fucking terrifying

It's his brain swelling from his massive fucking ego