what I would really like is to get wildly high (helps with the cramps) and faceplant into a sausage-mushroom-onion pizza

Exercise is magical. I had to decide whether to drink myself to death or exercise as I was going through divorce 2 years ago, and though I still had severe depression, exercise was this glorious depression-free bubble in my day, plus a couple of hours of higher self-esteem afterwards.

The keeper had no chance - he knuckled it. No spin whatsoever meant the ball wobbled all over the place on its way in. You can see some of the wobble and the keeper's confusion. Physics is fun!

This is true. At the smaller resorts like Solitude and Powder Mountain, it's a felony to employ non-stoners as liftees. But I skipped all skiing this year, partly because I'm stupid and forgot to get a cheap pass in the summer, and partly because it is 70 fucking degrees out in early March.

Ha, I know.

Thanks kind sir.

Just give up if you're coming through Utah. I mean, go ahead and message ME, but after 5 years, I still don't have a regular guy, and am starting to wonder if I need to be my own regular guy. Funny thing is, I live cleaner than most Mormons.

The cab driver not-in-NY is spot on. This has worked wonders for me all over the country, and I haven't even gotten herpes from a shared pipe yet, which I never actually want to do, but, well, whatever. But the best part about it is I'm usually on my way to catch a flight, and being high while being high is awesome.

Jesus christ. I need to spend some time in a rocking chair on a porch swatting skeeters with Ed talking about how everything has gone to fucking hell. I'm half your age, but completely on your side, grandpa. Let me know when you need help wrecking an arcade.

the general truism is that men cheat more than women

The deadcast is always a bit of an issue for me. Drew and I have the EXACT SAME VOICE. So it's unnerving, and it means I hate the voice of one of my favorite internet writerers. Can we get some autotune applied?

I find some Japanese animation incredible. It's pretty much a given that if it came out of Studio Ghibli, I love it. And Ghost in the Shell, Appleseed, etc...but I never, ever got Akira. Hated the art, didn't care what was happening on screen. Am I really the only one? Especially about the art?

I define "making" my bed as folding the comforter into a nice square and possibly even arranging the pillow in some aesthetically pleasingly related way to the comforter.

The winners will receive a belt buckle. The grand champion will receive a larger belt buckle. WELL JESUS CHRIST WHY DON'T YOU JUST SIGN OVER FORT KNOX.

Christopher Hitchens. Fuck all the other suggestions. The world is a bleak pile of sanctimonious bullshit with him gone.

In the MLB his OWN team would beat the tobacco juice out of him. The other team would fight his team as well, because that's still part of the rules.

Those uniforms look goddamn amazing. I don't if Cleveland just hates itself most of the time for always going with literal shit colors for their sports teams, but I have always fucking hated their chosen color palettes until this second.

I am not a football fan, but I am a fan of handsome men with beards, and so I want him to succeed. It may simply be that he's better in the WC spotlight than the premier league. There is undoubtedly a different kind competition and he may take to one more than the other.

He's a career .592 coach with nearly 200 more wins than losses in the regular season. That percentage is only slightly lower if playoff record is included, which is still above .500. (your .509 figure) He was great for my Pacers, and got run over by the Malice in the Palace bus, which explains a lower record than he…

"God is still good"