She’s been promoting that idea for a long time. Oh, just had a difficult childbirth and your lady parts are all torn to pieces? Too bad, let him at it. Tired from taking care of four children under the age of five all damn day? Do your wifely duty!

PLEASE APPLY

It’s a fantasy Speaker. Like the nanny ad in Mary Poppins.

-Babysitting experience STRONGLY PREFERRED

The person who figures out how to get toe (and finger) nails to grow back in a specific, aesthetically-appealing way will be stupidly wealthy.

“...if I let them grow long enough you might hear them tapping as I run across linoleum.”

When I was in high school, frat houses were called rape houses. Nothing has changed.

They had the same reputation a state over...nope, no institutional problems here, no sir!

Shh...the Speaker is napping.

What? Did they tell you were putting her on the first step of that diabolical path leading towards pixie cuts, lesbianism, and even the dreaded trans-people?!? Because we all know that starts with an appreciation of dump trucks.

I got so much shit on a mommy group when I “revealed” that my husband stays at home with the kids. Don’t even get me started on how much they insist on imposing gender on infants and toddlers.

Oh, you didn’t even touch on how fraught gender and stereotypes get on these. There was a cadre on the dad’s group I’m in that couldn’t believe I was showing construction vehicles to my daughter. So she takes joy in backhoes and excavators; I’m happy as long as she is.

How about...

this bad thing was always bad and now that you’ve undone the bad I want some good

this good thing is bad because it’s not good enough