That will be featured alongside our Tarantulash mascara.

“Can I buy that lipstick?” “Sure, I’ll put it on your bill”

I should start a makeup brand called “DuckFace".

You’re almost there.

oh no hero dog stories

ugh. the thought of five sets of shitty little cat feet tracking litter everywhere makes me gag.

BREAKING:

I swear I saw Josh Duggar, so we’re on the same page this morning...

For about two seconds, my coffee-deprived brain thought this was Jared from Subway. What a clusterfuck that would be.

but acknowledge that the legality of such licenses is unclear

There’s so many lies I tell myself so I can continue to exist in this world without breaking down into a puddle of helplessness. One is that most people are, at their core, good. But shit like this, man... I don’t know.

“I’m not a heartless, child-kicking racist.”

I pictured this wedding happening at the Plaza Hotel to an all grown up Eloise

This woman is THE WOOOOORRRRRSSSSSTTT.

He wouldn’t ask a man the same question. That’s the problem.

Here’s a blanket statement. I know it, and I don’t care.