He's a polite kind of guy — he did not know WHAT to do so he defaulted to a throw-away comment.

Embarrassingly, I did reflexively whip it out of my bra and turned it off. After an excruciating moment of silence, he cleared his throat and mumbled something about it being an interesting place to keep a phone.

Well, keeping it on vibrate is a good idea I never thought of, just like putting the phone on airplane mode before meetings. I'm DUH that way.

SO difficult to find nice clothing with functional pockets. Have to resort to sticking the phone in my bra (it actually tucks nicely and you can barely see the footprint). But the look on my boss's face one day when my left tit started ringing... priceless.

I'm curious (and you can not respond or tell me to take a hike) - will you come back and comment or is this a complete snip of the scissors?

Preach.

Dodai, you're my last link to the Old Dayz. I wish you all the best but dayyum, it's not going to be the same without you. I've enjoyed your posts and your humor SO MUCH over the past seven years — thanks so much for making my day more often than you can imagine.

Is there an opening for a writer at Gawker Media? Because if there is, write to this person and offer them a position, stat. That Craigslist ad is classic snark.

Somebody write a book: Gone Derek.

THIS. What is the point of all the smoke, mirrors and financial fraud — so you can impress other trashy worthless people and have your tawdry stupidity exposed on national TV and supermarket tabloids? It's just so far from my live-within-your-budget mindset I can't wrap my head around it.

The vintner did it.

That's why NorwoodIsMyHero.

Hard-core Christian Rights are psychotic motherfuckers trying to whip a nation of embittered people into a frenzy and using propaganda to advance their psychotic notions about what the world should be like.

Also: skirting very close to treating your own child as a fashion accessory.

Honey mustard goes with pepperoni, of course.

By being creative with the things we insert into our orifices.

...be careful what you wish for.

NOTHING at the Gap (and several other retailers) fits me, which is another reason I've defaulted to J Jill. I'm 3"+ longer in the arms, waist, and legs — when I made my own clothes in HS, I had to piece those inches into patterns. My wrists stick out of most things — another reason I like J Jill, I can actually turn…

This is so well-written! I might see this style on the street and not recognize it but for this piece. Your explanation of the nuances is terrific — so much vivid back story behind a tiny fleck of foam on the wave of fashion.

Hey, this inspires me. I'm going to write a book about a couple who, after tumultuous past relationships, find each other in mid-life and are truly happy and are finally building their dream house together, but it's all bittersweet because the wife is diagnosed with a potentially fatal illness...