That’s *World Champion* Jeremy Lin.

One of those kids is probably his.

For food we had: Steak. Burgers. Bar-b-que. Pizza. Beer. Soda. Milkshakes. Mari-fucking-juana. A DJ. Ice cream cake.

Someone with no kids voluntarily joining a two-day road trip with a family that includes 1- and 4-year-olds is one of the craziest fucking things I’ve ever heard. After about hour eight, he’ll probably call ahead to a urologist in Florida and schedule a vasectomy before even returning home to Chicago.

I mean, that’s a pretty standard response to anyone who asks if they can bring their kid to your wedding, when it clearly says no children on the invite. Don’t care if you’re a Cousin, no kids!

My GQ bosses at the time said my idea was fucking stupid

You okay, man? Need a glass of water or something?

Why, do the boxes taste better? 

I just want to say with admiration, you either aren’t as pathetically attached to your “approved” status as I am, or you have giant fucking balls!

My wife bought me 12 new pairs of boxers for my birthday, which I was legitimately excited about; as the old pairs had been through a lot, but my excitement was quickly turned to disappointment as I saw they were button fly boxers...  Had to explain to her why this was a bad present now and that no, it’s not the same…

That’s the reason Idina Menzel—a huge star on Broadway but not necessarily a household name TV/Movie actress—got cast in Frozen, and the reason why it paid off a zillion times over.

The soccer comments are dickish because Billy has been told the same complaints about his writing over and over and over for years - enough with the ridiculous paragraph-long run-on sentences, the use of fourteen paragraphs to make an incredibly banal point that could have been made in two sentences, the constant…

what kind of food wrapper have we as a society consumed the most of

The Cowboys are “America’s Team” in that we have a president who suggested we nuke hurricanes. That is the Cowboys.

Remember when Tony Romo retired and everyone was like, “LOL, bout time, mush brain.” Then he became an announcer was was actually enjoyable, interesting and insightful?
Jason Witten is bizzaro Tony Romo.

He looks like Tony Robbins had surgery in an attempt to look more like Casey Affleck.

HI Deadspin.

The more obvious solution: proboscis condoms.

While this is a marvelous discovery, I’m personally an advocate of the mosquito genocide plan.