Andrew Luck 2012: *Takes a sack* Great job, man. Insane hustle. You really got me.

Andrew Luck 2019: You even just look at the ceiling and wish you could stop existing? Like, not die, but just POOF and cease being altogether. Maybe it’s nothing but motionless, soundless black. Complete emptiness. Nothingness. But it’s…

Jesus Christ, Laura! The body isn’t even cold yet!

The Poop Standard Selection Committee (me) has taken your point under advisement and determined it does not dole out participation trophies.

I’ve seen someone on Twitter say that those are Imperial Star Destroyers, not first order.

The Major sport that’s hardest on your body, is far and away the worst for your brain (and long term risks), but pays far and away the least and guarantees nothing in contracts (and has a history of fucking over it’s retirees) is having a problem with players walking away from the game.

Is there any other sport like American football where the fans and pundits feel like the players owe them something? And said fans/pundit industry feel they have a divine right to dictate behavioral standards to the players?

If there was a young man in literally any other profession who made $100 million before he was 30 and decided to retire, he would be lauded. The Wall Street Journal would write thousands of words of wankery praising his acumen and smarts and god bless America.

The fact that the NFL has made itself into a weekly orgy of vaguely fashy American nationalism can only hurt the popularity of the sport outside the US.

I hope that NFL players take note of the lack of empathy people have shown Andrew Luck during this entire process. Don’t feel guilty about hold-outs for more money. Get as much money as you can and get the hell out before it becomes a detriment to your health. 

Seems shortsighted to me. What’s he going to do without football? Other than his family, tens of millions of dollars, a Stanford education, and relative youth, football was all he had going for him.

Much like all good colts who have suffered injuries, Andrew Luck will retire to a lovely farm upstate.

* grabs shotgun *

* takes Luck out back *

I guess you could say Indy's luck has........run out.

Dearest Mother,

The game summed up in one highlight:

I have like 6 paragraphs I want to write about the circumstances surrounding Megan’s departure, which are absolutely beyond infuriating. But I keep getting interrupted by pop-up ads for something called Ruggable, a product I now most assuredly will never use out of sheer spite. So let me just say that she was very good…

Every time i read these goodbye posts, I wish to everything that I worked in a place like this, doing whatever.

So on Monday can we expect to see Worst Foods to Barf?

and she’s also a reason Drew is still alive

What might not suck: They opened a sensory room at Lincoln for for fans with autism and other sensory issues who need to take a break without having to exit the stadium. I know we are supposed to be dragging them but Swoop has headphones on and that’s fucking adorable.