“I tried to keep it together the best I could. I couldn’t believe it. I’m still in disbelief.” — Tiffany Tomlinson, on her first meeting with Kelby and finding out that was indeed his real name.

“The O-line coach punched a kid in the face? Over beach chairs? This is my kinda party!” — Richie Incognito

Following up on their hacking scandal, what if the Cardinals are the only MLB team dumb enough to spell out what they’re doing in the 990? This might be par for the course.

“the whole thing is mean-spirited and ugly...” It seems like you can apply this to most comedies nowadays. No heart.

WCW vs nWo! Part of the fun was tag teaming the CPU and beating the holy hell out of them with chairs, tables, baseball bats, etc. Then doing finisher after finisher to see if they would die (they never did...sadly).

Straight up Boller.

Uncle Tick left him his good spoon too.

People dislike fighting in hockey, but at least it’s one on one and we don’t have to watch two entire rosters trot around the field, making gestures at one another, every time something mildly annoying happens.

ESPN has moved on from the “Embrace Debate” era to the “Embrace Corporate Uniformity” era. No more personalities, no more liabilities, no more insubordination.

Auntie Lynch...she gives you wings!

In America, the holy altar of capitalism, everything must be monetized. Even what you watch for fun must have an accompanying cost-benefit analysis. Life is money, money is life.

“Everything we do is precedential...” No wonder the Titans stink! Thanks Obummer!

Jerry: “I’m offering Dez 5 years and 70 million with unlimited hookers and blow. You?”

“Oh please, I’ve been stealing from Miami for years. It’s not that hard.” — Jeffrey Loria

Yeah, except that Bowie and Oden actually, y’know, played some games.

Angels fans tighten collective sphincters.

I like to think of Deadspin as a Reddit aggregator with accidental amateur journalism.

AWOL? You know nothing, Jon Lester.

Punched her right in the pussy.