There aren't any ties in the playoffs, doc.

The defense isn't known to go out for sacks.

I tried that once in a drunken Nerf hoop game a few years back. Afterwards they all called me The One as well. The one with a broken ankle, the one who caused $500 in damage to the living room. The one who's not allowed to play drunken Nerf hoop any longer.

Don't believe them. After last week, it's clear they're totally dependent on an on-fire Blount.

When asked Brady responded, "Bill told us about it, 'Don't go out there and be stupid', so we rea....wait hold on, Has anybody seen Gronk? Shit! HAS ANYBODY SEEN GRONK!?!?"

Worse still, he shot him!

Ryan Anderson: [clicks on "Deadspin.com"]

Pretty sure the correct answer is "one"

A sort of 'our country is better than your country" kind of thing that the IOC frowns upon.

This whole storyline has been a surprisingly powerful way to raise awareness of Omaha. Will be interesting to see if other cities in Oklahoma look for some free shout-outs.

How can the gun be legally owned? I thought LT wasn't allowed to be anywhere near a 15.

At least someone in the family is well-armed.

I agree with the recommendation to keep frozen.

If you want a vision of the future, imagine a boot stamping a face that never changes expression.

He's the second guy this week to be blown away by some sneakers after getting fucked.

Suspension or no suspension, he doesn't seem to be missing any plate appearances.

"Smug hipster jaguar is particularly inspired," Tom Ley wrote before running to the urinal for his third piss of the morning. As he washed his hands, he caught his reflection in the mirror. The resemblance was uncanny and he couldn't deny it. He looked just like the cartoon bear that blew him days before.

In trying to determine who drew a dick on their new mascot, the team immediately ruled out ex-manager Dusty Baker, as that would require him to use his pen.

This is a non-story. I don't know of any NFL owner that wouldn't insist on switching out the old locks during a coaching change.

Bad News: Turns out he can't weave his way through an interview.