"I am going to frisk her without a condom and cash in her cocaine"

Way to jump on the "white guilt" train, Samer Kalaf.

The Jaguars have the most stable and constructive locker room and coaching staff in the state of Florida right now. Consider the ramifications of that sentence

*Lochte reads Deadspin headline*

responded to Dan's King Pin, 31 N. Main St., to speak to a woman who reported that her husband had used a stun gun on her three times while at Sidelines Tap, 111 S. Main St.

FOSTER: How many people can y'all fit in your cars?

Well, Mr. Smart Robot Overlord, lets see you stand up to my incredible . . . ELECTROMAGNETIC PULSE! [fires empty orange water pistol]

Robot Wins At Rock-Paper-Scissors Every Single Time, Immediately Becomes Broncos' Featured Running Back

Perhaps the machines can still be beaten...with love.

Incognito: Siri, send a message to Jonathan Martin saying I have Snickers leftover from Halloween.

Siri: I sent a text message to Jonathan Martin

Martin: :(

yo richie i'm at starbucks you want coffee yo

Better make it two.

Kasparov had better not run a conservative campaign— voters want changes across the board.

Kasparov: "I have resources that can help me to run a global campaign."

Reports are surfacing that the Jets are also interested in securing a trademark to correct their quarterback woes.

That, and Steak-n-Shake also doesn't do online ordering.

Did Charlie Weiss and Romo Crennel eat the data from Kansas City?

I don't want to sound like I'm blaming the victim here, but come on. He was both a football player and a political scion? It's like he was asking to be a rapist.

Bearanormal Activity

Josh on the bench is a friend of mine, he gives me my gatorade for free. He's quick with a choke or throw a pass that's a joke, but there some team where he'd rather be.